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Achewood
Author(s)	Chris Onstad
Website	[1]
Current status / schedule	3–5 times a week
Launch date	October 1 2001 [2]
Genre(s)	Comedy

Achewood is a webcomic created by Chris Onstad. It portrays the lives of a group of anthropomorphic stuffed toys, robots, and pets. Many of the characters live together in the home of their owner, Chris, at the fictional address of 62 Achewood Court. The events of the strip mostly take place in and around the house, as well as around the town of Achewood, the fictional suburb which gives its name to the comic, and is likely a thinly-veiled Palo Alto, California.[3][4] The comic's humor is most often absurdist, sometimes branching into the surreal. The strip generally lacks a set punch line.

History and overview

The first Achewood strip ("Philippe is standing on it") was released on October 1 2001. The strip sets the tone for the rest of the comic, with its nonsensical humor and surprising visual punchline. In this particular strip, Mr. Bear and Téodor are discussing Téodor's confusion over a drum machine. Mr. Bear informs Téodor that there is an instruction manual. However, Philippe is standing on it.

Throughout the rest of the comic, there is no distinguishable underlying storyline — aside, perhaps, for the general passing of time and development of the comic's characters and their interrelationships. Onstad's preferred method of story-telling is to develop his characters through one-off strips and short story arcs. Strips are humorous, relying upon inane and chaotic humor as well as social stereotypes, occasional burlesque literary and historical references, and strong characterization of the comic's many quirky individuals. As the humor often depends on an in-depth knowledge of the characters and their interactions, new readers may appreciate the series more if they start their reading earlier on in the series and progress chronologically from there. (A drop-down box on the lower left side of the home page entitled "Jump to a Story Arc" has links to the beginning of 46 story arcs from 2002 to 2006.) Story arcs are often interrupted as the main action "cuts away" to the doings of other Achewood characters, which may or may not eventually tie in with the main storyline in progress.

Chris Onstad has self-published fifteen books: seven collections of Achewood comics, two books by character Nice Pete ("A Wonderful Tale" and "A Hilarious Comedy"), six 'zines by another named Roast Beef, and Recipes for a Lady or a Man: The Achewood Cookbook with recipes from several of the main characters.

In the fall of 2002 Achewood 's "Sunday Edition" became part of the online alternative comics anthology Serializer. In their review of serializer.net, The Comics Journal wrote: "It's a pleasure to see strips like Achewood's "Sunday" strip ... use the newspaper format for far more daring, entertainingly perverse work ... would be perfectly at home at a good alternative weekly or a great college paper."

On April 30 2003, Onstad introduced a new feature to the Achewood universe — an advice column written by the character Ray called Ray's Place. This column has served to further develop the Achewood canon by allowing prose related to the characters to be written. The column has developed characters, mainly as perceived by Ray. It also allows for an interaction between reader and character, a novelty in comic art.

July 2004 saw the introduction of several in-character blogs. The main characters all began writing (using Blogger) to speak to their audience. This unique perspective further advances character development allowing the daily, often mundane, events of the character to find their way to the audience. Onstad stated in an interview that he found the blogs easier to maintain than the strip, as they do not require as much refining. This method of connecting the audience and the characters has been extended further with the opening of a forum [5] supposedly maintained by Emeril, a character from the strip.

In late 2004, it was announced that Checker Book Publishing Group was to release a a collection of Achewood comics later that year.^[1] Checker had signed Chris Onstad to a three-book deal that was to begin in November 2004. However, the deal was canceled soon after due to creative differences.

Etymology

According to the official website, "achewood" was used by slaves during the United States of America antebellum in the production of "achewater", a now outlawed Southern drink with psychedelic properties, similar to the use of wormwood in the production of absinthe. This liquor would induce melancholia in the drinker, hence the name.[6]

The Underground

The Achewood Underground is an underground version of the human city above, inhabited and run by animals both stuffed and real, as well as several robots. The underground has its own businesses and establishments that parallel those above ground, and its inhabitants often steal or borrow things from their human counterparts aboveground. Aside from Achewood, it is assumed that most cities around the world have their own undergrounds as well. [7]

Characters

Raymond Quentin Smuckles

Ray's Blog

Ray Smuckles is a cat (more specifically, an American Curl, a breed that, appropriately enough, originated from Lakewood, California) with expertise in such diverse fields as cookery, alcohol, underground street dancing, piano playing, entrepreneurship, and women. Ray made his first appearance on January 10, 2002. Along with his best friend Roast Beef, Ray is the central character of the strip; their relationship lies at the heart of Achewood. Ray can be identified by his designer glasses, his habitual wearing of a thong, the occasional fur coat, and a gold medallion which once belonged to the fictitious Incan Fun God, "King Chochacho." Ray often speaks of his heritage: his mother's family, the Culpeppers, are French Catholic Southern gentry, while his father's, the Smuckles, are a diverse collection of tough, philosophical underworld characters (more below).

Ray tends to be rather lucky, acquiring money in a variety of ways, including a record contract with Sony (after selling his soul to the devil for a piano that grants the buyer musical genius [8]), an auspicious eBay purchase of vintage erotica valued at 600 million dollars, and various business ventures. Through eBay Platinum Reserve, he now owns Airwolf, Keith Moon's head, and the world's biggest laser. He enjoys throwing lavish parties with unusual themes. Ray drives a Cadillac Escalade. He is very generous to his friends and to people in general, but on an entirely random basis and interspersed with long periods of outright rudeness and total insensitivity. He also has a very serious obsession with Ketel One and zinfandel alcohols. Although Ray personally obtained his musical skills from a deal with the devil, there has been at least one other musical genius in his lineage, his paternal grandfather Antonyne Cheops Smuckles, better known as the legendary bluesman Rustmouth Chafings.

On the other hand, he has a weakness for gambling, and often loses up to thousands of dollars while playing golf and pool with his friends. Ray has a penchant for prank calls, whether outgoing (Marmaduke, Cathy) or incoming (telemarketers). He also has a sexual fetish for women sitting on birthday cakes, although recently he has shown to have lost interest, and become a 'breast man'. Ray drinks alcohol throughout the day; numerous strips imply that he is an alcoholic, and his physician, Dr. Andretti, has repeatedly warned him that he is in severe danger of becoming diabetic. He recently learned his father, Ramses Luther Smuckles, won the 1973 Great Outdoor Fight, which inspired Ray to enter. Ray defeated all other entrants in the GOF except for Roast Beef (see below), and demolished the Fight grounds when he discovered that Fight regulations required that he beat Beef to unconsciousness in order to win.

Ray also writes the advice column "Ray's Place" on the Achewood site, though there is a disclaimer at the bottom warning that the advice is in fact from a cartoon cat.

Ray was originally introduced as a minor supporting character, part of a trio of cats (along with Roast Beef and Pat) who were always seen together, and fancied themselves "the dirtiest dudes in town" due to their reputed penchant for foul language. As time passed, Onstad began to give the three cats individual personalities, and before long the focus of Achewood began to move away from the four stuffed animals living in the Onstad residence and onto Ray and Beef. The increasingly abrasive Pat remained in a supporting role, eventually turning the trio into a duo.

Ray is a member of a syndicate of other flamboyantly rich, jive-talking cats, including AKKOLADE and Bensington Butters, his rival. They spend their time on theme parties, weekend retreats and plotting to sabotage the other members' images.

Ray also witnessed the possible death of the surreal performer Cartilage Head, a lanky man with a skull-like, semi-malleable head, after being invited to dine with the performer after the show ended (Ray had hesitantly received his ticket from Roast Beef, and was seemingly the only member of the audience), where when attempting to mold his head he instead pushed too far and snapped it. Witnessing this, Ray fled from the room and jumped out a nearby window, where he found and drove off in an old Model-T belonging to Cartilage Head. Following directions inside Cartilage Head's wallet, Ray drives to 921 Elden and enters the building, where his photo is taken and he falls unconscious. He wakes up the next morning to find a small photo holder on himself with a card inside with his frightened picture and text reading "I Proved Myself A Coward Who Would Desert A Dying Man."

Cassandra "Roast Beef" Kazenzakis

Roast Beef's Blog

Roast Beef (first name, Cassandra — when he was born he was mistakenly thought to be female), a cat, is interested in computer programming and has a girlfriend Molly formerly in heaven, where he visited her twice: once after being shot by Pat and once after driving a golf cart off a cliff while high on marijuana [9]. Molly now lives on Earth, and is now in a relationship with Beef, as those who know him call him. Beef asked Molly to marry him on June 7th, 2007 [10].

It seems that Roast Beef has had a desperately unhappy and impoverished childhood. [11] [12] [13] He has seemingly incurable depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder, and/or Avoidant personality disorder, and considers suicide often, though no one seems to care. Recently however, his depression seems to have improved, particularly since meeting Molly. Molly has also gotten him a light therapy lamp[14], which helps when he remembers to use it[15]. For a long time he lived in a trailer with his abusive grandmother, Gramma K., but has since moved out of the trailer and into Ray's pool shed. His speech balloons use a slightly smaller font than that of other characters and rarely include punctuation, to emphasize his timidity and unique manner of speech. Roast Beef sometimes sports an impressive vocabulary and will, on occasion, sprinkle words such as "insatiable" or "phenomena" into his normally slang filled dialogue.

He has been shot at least four times. One shooting lodged a bullet in his spine, which grants him permanent wireless Internet access (though this has only been mentioned once [16] since, and he still uses physical computers to access the net). Another shooting resulted in his cardio-pulmonary system being replaced by that of an AIBO. He has also been shot at least one additional time by Ray and once fatally by Lie Bot (who was masquerading as Ray's uncle Culpepper).

Roast Beef's birthday is April 22nd. Some of his accomplishments include a program that determines how many eggs and how much milk you need to buy in a given week, and another that determines the amount of loose change lying around your house and makes a reservation at a restaurant accordingly. He is perhaps the world's greatest historian of the Great Outdoor Fight, and drove Ray to compete (and win) in the 2006 Fight. He also managed to get into the fight himself by hacking the fight's database. He drives a 1965 Ford Galaxie (powered by Ford's rare 427 SOHC V8) that was a gift from Ray. He has also gone to the moon, by stealing Pat's home-made rocket, and to the afterlife, via various methods including vomiting into an electrical outlet. He has also produced his very own zine, titled Man Why You Even Got To Do A Thing.

Roast Beef has written a number of poems, both in the strip and on his blog. A recurrent theme involves concealed weapons disguised as foodstuffs, and these conclude with a (presumably screamed) 'OHHH SHIIIT!' Poems not utilizing the theme of weapons in food do not correlate with the above explanation, indicating that Roast Beef has a distinct fear of the hidden weapons.

According to Onstad, Roast Beef is one of several important foils to the increasingly central character of Ray. Ray's consistent optimism, sexual bravado, unwavering confidence, privileged upbringing, simple attitudes, and good luck makes him seem on the surface a complete antithesis of character to Roast Beef. Regardless, the two have been close friends since childhood, and it may be observed that as the strip progresses, each occasionally adopts the attitudes and perspectives of the other. The two do, of course, have a few points of dissent: Roast Beef is somewhat more sympathetic to Little Nephew than his Uncle Ray, and has taken issue with Ray's alcoholism.

Philippe

Philippe's Blog

Philippe is an undyingly optimistic and naïve young otter who resides in the house with Cornelius Bear, Lyle and Téodor, as well as Chris and Chris's family. His housemates collectively raise him with varied success, with Téodor acting as a nurturing mother, Lyle as a neglectful big brother, and Mr. Bear as a stern but gentle father. He is separated from his mother, who lives in an undisclosed location, but they talk on the phone frequently and have a close relationship. Philippe's father is deceased. From time to time Philippe's mother sends him unusual presents.

Though he is five, Philippe has had an exciting life. He has made friends with a french fry, been married to a flower, had a frightening encounter with a serial killer (Nice Pete), been possessed by the soul of Billy Idol, run for president, and accidentally killed a robot. Phillipe recently became a 'father' to a bird named Franky. His birthday is on August 22nd.

Philippe enjoys hugs and is very gullible. Inspired by poster images of the Soviet era, he recently decided to join the Communist party, but then lost interest when the poster was replaced with one of the band Arcade Fire, which he took literally.

Philippe has the strange talent of easily coming up with polyglot palindromes, phrases that are English in one direction and another language when reversed.

He also has a bad habit of building up his expectation of presents he will receive, and often becomes disappointed when he opens them.

Cornelius Bear

Cornelius's Blog

Most often referred to as Mr. Bear, he is a scholarly and fatherly figure to much of the cast, being much older than most of them - he was married to his first (now deceased) wife, Iris Gambol, sometime before 1967. [17] He is unafraid to enjoy a good drink, and tends to be more erudite and romantic than the rest of the cast. It has also been implied that he has been imprisoned, and has had German, French and Austrian cellmates[18][19].

Mr. Bear is also the author of several children's books including "So Many Whales", "The Mayor of Banana Town," and — during a somewhat later and darker period — "Janet: The Girlfriend Who Could Only Ever Complain" and "Chug-A-Lug: The Train Who Drinks". He wears pince-nez and is most often attired in an elegant dressing gown.[20] Although originally from Cambridge [21] he now lives at 62 Achewood Ct. Recently, he was shot by Pat, but survived. During his recovery, he spent his time writing eloquent closed captions for the Spice Network. Mr. Bear has been seen driving an Austin Mini with the driver's seat on the right-hand side, indicating it was originally sold in Britain. He also owned (and presumably played) a French horn, though Ray wound up stepping on it by mistake. [22]

Mr. Bear seems to command respect from nearly every member of the cast — with the noteworthy exception of the brash and petulant Lyle. This can be seen in almost every strip in which they both appear. [23][24] [25] [26] He also won a manliness contest held by Ray and Roast Beef, a rather surprising achievement considering his gentle nature. [27]

Despite a reputation for class, Mr. Bear seems to have low standards when it comes to employment. At various times, he has been a writer of genre romance novels[28], a closed captioner for the Spice Channel [29], and a paid lecturer for Mensa International[30]. More recently Cornelius has become the proprietor of an English pub, a joint venture between himself and Ray. The naming of said pub has been the subject of much deliberation between the two characters although at the time of writing it was designated "The Dude and Catastrophe" [31].

Lyle Roscoe Gabriel

Lyle's Blog

A belligerent stuffed tiger who enjoys playing pranks on his friends and takes his alcohol early and often. He is a talented calligrapher and cosmetician [32] [33], and apparently knows something about cars. Lyle has a mysterious, possibly criminal, possibly tragic past. For a time he also was employed helping recent Male to Female transsexuals "become sexually active and confident in their new bodies" [34]. He has also become involved in pornography. He recently returned from Scotland where he meant to learn how to make scotch, but instead became trapped at a finishing school. He lives at 62 Achewood Court. He's also often seen wearing a Misfits T-shirt. Lyle has also recently become, due to a combination of an illegal u-turn and some word salad, a Registered Asshole in the State of California, complete with card and legal obligation to inform all neighbors within a five-block radius of his new status.

Téodor Orezscu

Téodor's Blog

Téodor is a teddy bear, as evidenced by his portrait. He and his family originate from Minsk, Belarus (his father was an actuary) and is apparently of Jewish descent. Though he is Belarusian, the name Orezscu seems to be Romanian in origin. He is a skilled cook, musician and graphic designer, and is also an all around friendly guy. He was originally quite crazy and uninhibited, exhibiting nudist tendencies [35][36] in early Achewood strips, though he seems to have calmed down a bit over the years. These days he's probably the most "normal" out of the entire Achewood cast, though he is definitely not without quirks of his own (such as his passion for risotto). While talented and intelligent, Téodor is also portrayed as lacking motivation and direction. He had an online relationship with a girl named Penny, but we never really see where that ended up. He is often portrayed as fulfilling a role as one of Philippe's guardians, and keeps him out of trouble. He has appeared in numerous strips recreationally using marijuana and seems to also be a user of psychedelic mushrooms. Téodor's birthday is in early October. Lie Bot predicted his death to be on April 28, 2005. As it happens, Téodor did die on April 28 [37], after he choked on a Grolsch bottle cap whilst watching a pornographic film. However, Lyle performed a "Longshoreman's Heimlich" (swift kick to the gut), which dislodged the cap and revived him.

Pat Reynolds

Pat's Blog

Pat is one of the three original cat characters, along with Roast Beef and Ray. Over the years, his role has receded into the background, but his is still a formidable presence. He is a generally unpleasant character — he typically plays the antagonist — and seems to hate anyone that does not live up to his impossibly high standards of behavior. He seems to suffer from Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder and has some anger management problems, for which he attends a support group. Raymond's mother revealed that Pat also suffers from Crohn's disease, though this could be attributed to some slight senility of hers.

Pat's interests in veganism, Zen Buddhism and his unusual stances on various social issues seem to be driven less by an appreciation of the philosophies, but more by a desire to feel superior to his friends, and indeed the rest of the world. He will often boycott companies at the slightest perceived provocation; for example, he claims to have stopped buying Kleenex brand tissues after he accidentally pulled three tissues out of a box instead of one, and stopped shopping at Whole Foods because of disgust with a female employee's visible armpit hair. His elitist, negative attitude extends to a particular focus on barbers and hairstylists, as well as toll booth operators, Mexican motorists [38], and employees with disabilities [39].

Pat constructed the rocket that Roast Beef stole and rode to the Moon. He is on the run after escaping from jail (he was convicted for shooting Roast Beef, and later shot Mr. Bear as well, probably by accident [40]), but it doesn't seem to have affected his lifestyle due to Ray's connections getting him off the hook. He lives quite comfortably on the lam with "Nice Pete," a serial killer he met in jail. Interestingly, given recent speculation about Pat's sexuality, Nice Pete also attends his support group, implying that the two are quite close. He drives a Ford Mustang II, and his favorite movie is Memento. After being electrocuted due to a prank by Lyle and Philippe, he temporarily became much nicer [41].

Pat disowned his entertainer father, Simon Reynolds, when the latter declared he was a homosexual [42]. Simon has made efforts to reconcile with his son, which Pat has disgustedly repulsed [43]. The entire topic of his father is off limits to Pat, suggesting repression issues. The comic has hinted at this complexity of his character for some time (e.g. [44]). Recently, his latent homosexuality was forced out into the open with the discovery of a magical Mexican camera [45] that depicts a person as how they feel about themselves, rather than an actual photo of the person. Both Pat and his father are homosexual due to the curse of Gladdington castle [46], wherein an ancestor of theirs was cursed such that all of his sons and their sons thereafter would become homosexual at the age of 26.

Molly Sanders

Molly's Blog

A cat, and Roast Beef's fiancée. Molly was born in seventeenth-century Wales. She died in the wreck of the Gwynqeathe in 1676 and went to Heaven, where she was able to keep up on developments in the living world and became interested in modern technology. [47] Roast Beef first met her in Heaven after being shot by Pat. Molly now resides on Earth, living in the pool shed with Roast Beef. Roast Beef's lack of social skills often means their relationship is strained, but Molly's extraordinary patience and tolerance (and Beef's willingness to go along with her sexual adventurousness) often win out. Molly may have been a programmer while in Heaven (presumably self-taught), but since she died long before computers and coding were invented she has no "earthly" qualifications as such. She has been currently working in the service industry since coming back to life; she has implied in her blog that she is unable to get better work because she does not have a social security card [48]. This is perhaps due to the fact that she is legally dead. She has held jobs at various bars and restaurants, including Applebee's, Taco Bell (from which she was fired), and The Smoke (a local bar in the underground). For a time, Molly worked at an "upscale tex-mex place" called Butte, until a fire forced its closure. Molly was involved in sandwich porn for Vlad when she worked at his Subway restaurant. Molly has now secured a job at Starbucks which she claims makes her "the hub of Achewood's social universe." She has been running the "Achewood A-List" off and on since December 2005 (officially named on December 19, 2005 [49]). On June 7th, 2007, Roast Beef asked Molly to marry him [50].

Minor characters

Main article: Achewood Minor Characters

Story Arcs and General Development of the Series

In the early months of Achewood, the strip took place entirely at Chris Onstad's house, and the four original characters -- Phillipe, Téodor, Lyle and Cornelius Bear -- were the main characters, with occasional appearances by Chris Onstad. (Onstad is visible only from his upper legs down, apparently to emphasize how much taller humans are than stuffed animals.) It is implied repeatedly that the four friends are essentially trapped in the Onstad house. Phillipe's appearance at the front door before some Trick-or-Treaters causes them to exclaim in fear, "Holy Christ, that is an alive stuffed animal!", and when the friends try to order pizza, they need to hide from the delivery person. They don't have jobs, cars, or money, and Cornelius has only a robe to wear. (He also seems unfamiliar with alcohol.) After Ray, Roast Beef and Pat made their first appearance, the "hiding" aspect of Achewood faded away. The characters began to assume their current identities during an extended story arc called "The Party", which was the first lengthy storyline to appear in Achewood. (It is also the first story arc in the "Story Arcs" menu.) There was no run-up to "The Party"; on March 12, 2002, we see all the characters lined up outside the Onstad house waiting for Téodor to let them in. (Even Phillipe, Lyle and Cornelius are waiting outside -- and they live at the house.) The first strip of "The Party" ends with an elegantly-dressed Téodor admitting the guests.

The next story arc was "Ray's Startup #1" also a critical story arc, as it laid the foundation for the Ray - Roast Beef relationship, introducing Ray's wheeler-dealer ways and Beef's depression. "Ray+Beef Road Trip", which followed soon after, brought in Beef's brother "Showbiz" and explained that Ray and Beef had been childhood friends. The frequent plot line of Ray getting them into trouble and Beef getting them out was introduced here. The "Subway Wars arc actually begins with scenes that cut away from the "Road Trip".

Other features

Chris Onstad produces other material within the Achewood 'universe', including:

• various blogs written by some of the comic's characters;
• A zine, Man Why You Even Got To Do A Thing, purportedly written by the fictional Roast Beef;
• Several novellas by the character Nice Pete;
• Onstad maintains a feature called "Current kid status", in which he documents the joys, travails, and current events of raising his daughter;
• The Achewood Store, including items such as clothing, cookbooks, aprons, glasses, and other assorted goods.

Bibliography

• Volume I — A Momentary Diversion on the Road to the Grave
• Volume II — Worst Song, Played on Ugliest Guitar
• Volume III — The Devil's Dictionary
• Volume IV — Ten a.m. and Drunk as a Lord
• Volume V — An Empty Cup of Rum
• Volume VI — The Dude Is From Circumstances
• Volume VII - Kiss My Ass, Bitch. I'll Be At Duane's
• The Achewood Cookbook
• Nice Pete's A Wonderful Tale
• Nice Pete's A Hilarious Comedy
• Roast Beef's Man Why You Even Got To Do A Thing, Nos. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6

Trivia

• Chris Onstad participated in Song Fight! by creating cover art and title for "What We Need More of is Science", "Red Skates", and "Livin' At The Corner Of Dude And Catastrophe." The first title originated as a Roast Beef expression (but only on merchandise). One Song Fight entry was performed by Milwaukee Youth Center Choir, who also wrote and recorded a theme for Ray's Place, Ray's advice column. An entry by MC Frontalot won the latest Song Fight and is now the current theme song for the comic.
• The geography of the Achewood Overground (compare: "Google Map of Palo Alto") is based on that of the Palo Alto/Stanford area. Dexter University corresponds to Stanford University, Achewood Heights is equivalent to Menlo Park, East Achewood is analogous to East Palo Alto, and the Achewood Estates/Achewood areas refer to different areas of Palo Alto.
• Achewood is sometimes featured in the Chaparral, Stanford University's humor publication, of which Onstad is an editor emeritus.
• A song by the synth-pop band Freezepop titled "Here Comes a Special Boy" about the character of Philippe can be downloaded from Freezepop's website.http://www.freezepop.com/news/index.html
• On September 12th, 2007, Achewood was named "Funniest Webcomic" by humor website Cracked.com.

References

• Google Maps "Map of Palo Alto"
• Achewood "Map of Achewood"

External links

• Achewood.com (official site)
• — A wiki devoted to Achewood
• A review of Achewood
• Review of the never-released collection from Checker Books
• Ray's Place
• An interview with Chris Onstad
• Interview by Brian M. Palmer
• Interview with Chris Onstad by The Onion A.V. Club